I am definitely not as consumed with the changes I have endured to my lifestyle as I was a few months ago. Although I have not completely adjusted to the changes, I feel my acceptance level has increased. I can tell because my attitude is much more positive. When I was first diagnosed, I worried about dating, and building new friendships. The thought of having to explain the experience over and over, not knowing what the responses would be, was terrifying. I had said to myself time and time again- “I’d rather just be alone”! During diagnosis and treatment, I’d read articles that touched on dating after cancer. It seemed to be difficult for most to pick up where they left off, if they weren’t already married. I was not motivated to even delve down that path once I was finished with treatment for many reasons. I realized now that people are more interested in a story and when you have one to tell, it’s easy to attract curious minds. So grateful for all the new friends being formed, especially the ones with fellow females surviving life after cancer. Although we are far apart, the similarities we share makes the bond a strong one!
The hardest part of recovery, one would think is the pain but it actually is the fact that I don’t look like I was sick and is missing a part of me. Sometimes I wish my insides matched my outside. I wish I was beautiful mentally. Once I got back to work, with the attempt to put my life back together, the phonecalls to check in stopped, the visits stopped and some friendships dissolved. I wonder sometimes – do the people who sympathize with you when you’re going through the “tough times” really do it because they want you to be better or is because they enjoy seeing you at your worst? Do they do it because the feeling of being needed gives them some sort of satisfaction? Do they not expect you not to improve or want better for yourself? I don’t think that these people understand that they are truly needed the most during recovery- for the follow up visits, to encourage, to listen, and to create new fun memories.
Nevertheless, I’m a believer that everything happens for a reason. Although at times, I miss these people, I miss who I used to be- I love the fact that I am much more humbled, confident enough to express what I want when necessary and is able to appreciate life’s simple pleasures. Cheers to LiFe
– Live Love Laugh
The journey to healing continues!