A year into the journey of life after cancer, and I think it’s safe to say I’m still in the premature phase. I have learned so much about myself; my strength, my worth, and my heart. As a result I’ve had to change some things about myself. Guess it’s safe to say that with growth comes change.
One of the biggest things I’ve struggled with thus far, is feeling dissimilar. Having gone through this significant change at such a young age, all while being a single woman has left me feeling a bit insecure and again dissimilar. Worried that I would be looked at differently than the average woman because I wore an obturator due to the maxillectomy resection. I am very thankful that is almost no difference in my facial appearance with the obturator but there are those moments. Moments when I get excited and my speech is rambled, moments when I’m in a loud room and voice doesn’t travel well, moments when I’m stuffy and my king and mouth are on different circuits, the moments when I drink water and if I move too quickly it all flows through my nose. All things I’m still getting used too but have accepted.
“Life is an experiment, what is important are the things we learn from it”. I learned that I needed to love myself first, the self-love would radiate from with in and attract the right people to me. From the moment I changed the way I looked at myself, I realized it brought new attractions. Individuals, who saw my journey as a sign of strength, and wanted to be supportive in any way possible. It was then I realized, that I’d become an even more unique individual than I was before. Those minor imperfections are my new form of uniqueness.
I’ve had to end some toxic relationships through out my journey. Although, it was a struggle to end the toxic relationships – it was the only right thing to do, if I wanted to continue to live a healthy life-physically and most importantly mentally. This was a painful period for me. In the end I’ve learned that every person who is present when you’re down may not want to see you get better and flourish but that’s ok! This was of course very hard to accept and it was also very painful to part ways with people you may have known your whole life.
The maxillectomy resection took a significant part of me, but I’m confident that once I continue to trust God- All will be well
The Journey to healing Continues!