“We cannot direct the wind, but we can adjust the sails”.

Gone are the days I was able to bite into a ripe banana.  Since the survey, it didn’t occur to me due to the fact I only ate bananas in my smoothies, that I was unable to perform this common function.  It was rare that I would eat a banana like a normal person would, funny how during life we neglect the gifts we were given. 

I was on my way to radiation therapy and I was hungry. So I figured a good old banana would curb the hunger and hold me over until I got back home. I washed my hands, took a seat and couldn’t wait to chump down on the banana. As I raised my hand and attempted to insert the banana, I was stopped. Not by anyone but by my teeth.

 I was stunned, but I shook my head and looked at the banana in my hand.  Luckily I’d washed my hands, because now I had to smush the banana between my thumb and index finger and feed myself like I fed my baby girls as babies in the past.  When it was over, my tummy was happy and  I smiled, not because the hunger pain was gone but because my mental strength exudes all of my weaknesses.

Some folks tell you things like “one day this will be your past” or “you’ll be back to your old self in no time”, all in an effort to comfort you! – but No this will not be my past, why you ask ?  Every day for the rest of my life, I will reminded to my fight and this journey. Whether it be from cleaning my implant, the inability to complete a yarn or just a conversation with some one I’m connecting with for the first time! Obviously, the old me wasn’t who God wanted me to be, or else I wouldn’t be living a testimony, So why would I want to be her again? 

Everyone, means well but I’d rather you just say nothing to me- these insensitive statesments really pisses me off. Why? It’s not from the heart, it’s because you don’t understand, it’s just plain old cruel.  Don’t take it personal now, this is not a jab at anyone- it’s just my reality. The journey to recovery continues!