“I can do all things through christ who strengthens me”.

My stick therapy was difficult, frustrating and a bit depressing.  I wasn’t were I needed to be and I was getting scared, scared that my mouth would heal shut and I wouldn’t be able to eat, laugh, smile, speak, yawn, or even sneeze the way I used too.

My therapy -require me to use a  stack of tongue suppressors taped together,  placed between my teeth to keep my mouth open and lose up my right jaw. My mouth was healing shut and I need to be able to fit 20 sticks in before my radiation therapy started, but I was only on 10 and 1 week away from therapy. The pain associated with getting the sticks into my mouth was almost unbearable, there was a teary session almost every time I had to do the exercise. I would sit, rocking myself back and forth and repeating the phrase above, with tears running down my cheeks.  I couldn’t and wouldn’t let this defeat me.  It was me against gravity.

On another note my visits to surgeon & prosthodontist, went well.  I was healing fine, they were amazed at how clean I would keep my resected area. My speech was great, I won’t be needing speech therapy. I was excelling in other ways, and I needed to hear that, since it now motivated me to push harder with my stick therapy.

I do have good and bad days, though I’m always grateful for life. Sometimes I don’t want to be here, i can’t imagine what my new new norm would be and so it frightens me. Other times I’m think that I was chosen for a reason and I can/will help others but I still need to figure out how. The journey to recovery continues.