My friends and family all will attest to the fact that I’m stubborn. I’ve been known to build up walls to protect myself from being hurt, so sometimes I tend to loose touch with my true emotions.  I got off the phone with my best friend Jenese and her words played over and over “Jan you’ve got to cry sometimes, you’ve got to let it out”. Within seconds, it was as if a River-dam had broken because the tears began to run down my cheek. I had just finished telling her about my week, and now I was crying again. 

Since my diagnosis, here had been times when I would shed a tear here and there but since the initial day of my diagnosis, I have somewhat been in denial. 

I’ve been to the doctor almost everyday this week for -dental clearance which consist of a cleaning, -pre surgical clearance to check my vital signs and meet with the anesthesiologist, lastly -since I’ll taking part in a research study, I needed to have a complete evaluation of my mouth (teeth & gums) so that they will be able to identify changes later on. 

It hit me, it was really happening, I’ll be having surgery in a week and my life will forever change. I had mixed emotions – I felt angry, I felt relieved that I’ll be cancer free, and I felt unpretty – . I no longer had control of my tears, as I walked down 24th street listening to Tamela Mann- the tears just kept coming.