“Happiness can be found in the Darkest of times, only when one chooses to turn to the light”

I get it, my surgical team did their job, they removed the cancer, designed an obturator that helped me to keep my features and be able to communicate with speech. But damn it, they missed a few things! Or maybe just maybe they figured ah hell, we saved her life- she should just be happy? 

Why do I feel as if I wasn’t prepared for the aftermath?

This brings me to the fact that, society is so used to looking at someone’s exterior and formulating assumptions. It’s one of those things that we are all guilty of- we’ve all done it! But “Never judge a book by its cover”! 

Some people look at me and I look normal- my smile is perfect except if I cheese too much then you may see the metal clips of the obturator, my body looks amazing, and I’m able to functiom in a normal work environment – so technically I’m normal – right ? 

Five months after surgery, almost 3 months after radiation therapy. Still I’m fighting complications and side effects from the surgery and radiation. It’s immensely frustrating and discouraging. Although, you cannot be completely prepared to deal with something of this magnitude, I feel as though I wasn’t educated enough about the after effects once I decided to have the surgery.  I almost wish I didn’t have the surgery- Although I was in pain most of the time prior to surgery, at least I was used to it, it was consistent and I was able to do all the things a normal person would on a daily basis. 

It’s really hard to get out bed daily! The therapy, the stiffness, the pain, I don’t want to deal with any of it- The fact that no one around you understands what you’re going through makes it all that much harder. I also don’t make it easy to communicate with me because I am somewhat self conscious about ME!  The beauty about having loving children, is that at toms when you want to do things for yourself, you do it for them! You do it for them because you know it will make a difference in their life. So cheer to them for existing and getting me ass out of bed! 

The Journey to Healing continues!